Callidus-chan
by Claytonimor
Summary: A moe Callidus Assassin receives her first solo mission, desu !


Through the halls and archways of the Callidus Temple, a black form flitted. From wall to wall, shadow to shadow, the form, clad in the skintight black bodysuit that marked her sisters-in-arms, made its through the silent passages towards its current objective. There! At the end of this last hallway, a solitary door, made of wood and protected by two servitor-slaved autocannons on the ceiling, stood, ready for the form to enter. Ignoring the cannons, the form, now solidifying as it slid out of the shadows and taking on a distinctively feminine form with rather large...frost detectors. The buxom assassin saddled her way up to the door and way reaching to knock when the door slid open.

From within, the voice of her Inquisitorial commander piped up, "Get in here already... and don't sneak about in the base, it looks suspicious."

Sufficiently cowed, the assassin walked into the office, meekly shutting the door behind her with a, "H-hai, taichou-sama."

* * *

><p>Swiftly scampering away from the door and up to her taichou's desk, the Assassin began the rapid process of wilting under his gaze. Indeed, her taichou's gaze's ability to bring shame and embarrassment was known across the length and breadth of the Imperium. Tales of it were spun to force children to go to sleep at night, and by the Emperor did they work.<p>

So intense was her taichou's gaze that she didn't even notice how sloppy he had let himself look, with uniform mostly unbuttoned and his hair greasy and unkempt, or how messy his desk was, with various no-doubt classified forms scattered about in the open. No, all she could think about was the upcoming tirade of her various failures, and then going to Caxis-senpai afterward for the spiritual healing needed to recover from the legendary assault- a thing known only as "Iced Cream".

"I don't appreciate your usage of strange, foreign terms. This is Terra. Speak the language of the locality."

No! It could not be! Did her taichou's gaze hold enough strength to piece into her very mind! Was nothing sacred!

"And another thing; stop having a nervous tick, unless your target happens to have a nervous tick, in which case the only nervous tick you are allowed to have is the one that the target has. Understood?"

"H-hai, taicho-I mean, yessir, commander," the assassin responded after a few second of trembling, all the while coming to resemble a terrified hamster more and more.

Despite not being able to see it, what with her staring at the floor and toying with her fingers, the Callidus assassin was able to feel as her taichou's glare narrowed and he let out some sort of primeval growl from his throat, likely in relation to another one of her failures. A moment later, when he spoke up, she was proven correct in her guess as to his disappointment.

"Stop stuttering, an act which is itself a nervous tick, leaving this command redundant."

Now resembling a terrified hamster, the assassin said, as levelly as could be said when speaking just barely above a whisper, "Yes, sir."

Her taichou's glare did not abate and, soon, she began praying to the Emperor to spare her this torment and simply strike her down now. But the Emperor's ways are many and mysterious and he thought she was kinda adorable when she was immensely frightened. However, the Carrion Lord's enjoyment was not meant to last.

"Very well then. You have a mission, your first solo mission, in fact."

And just like that, the assassin's demeanor did a full one-eighty, going from 'terrified hamster' to 'excitable puppy' in a millisecond (or perhaps less, the Mechanicus is still performing experiments).

"Try not to die if you can help it."

He was not listened to as the assassin was busy fantasizing about going on an adventure through the galaxy, purging xenos and heretics and rescuing a princess that only turned out to be in another castle, which is a big load of BS I mean really, what the hell, Peach.

The commander, sensing that he wasn't getting through to her via his amazing deductive abilities as an Inquisitor and because she was muttering her fantasies aloud under her breath, settled back to wait out the storm. She would come to her senses soon...

…

…

…

Any moment now...

…

…

…

"Agent CA-and some series of numbers, do get a hold of yourself."

Alas, it was not meant to be, and the assassin continued to reside in her land of fantasy. It was time for some extreme measures.

Reaching for his well-worn and thrice-replaced "In case of hyperactive Callidus" button, the Inqusitor slammed his fist down on it, administering sedatives...

…

…

…

Or, at least it was supposed to, instead, slats in the walls of the room lowered themselves and were replaced by braziers already lit and burning incense. Sighing at the 4th electrical failure this week, the Inquisitor reached to the other side of his table and, ignoring the fantasizing Callidus- it wasn't like she was going anywhere, called Mechanicus Support.

"Hello? Techpriest Maritus Jackson Silver Skull III? Yeah... button broke again. Mmmhmm. No I didn't try lighting incense."

…

"I doubt the machine spirit is angry with me. Can you come down? Later today? Fine."

…

Click-"Crummy, misbegotten trash compactor."

Two hours passed with the Inquisitor and the Callidus, one still in her own world of fantasy and princess rescue, while the other calmly performed the duties of his office while blindly tossing his stun baton towards her. Due to his poor accuracy, and the size of the room, it took many tries with considerable lengths of time between them while the servitors would retrieve the baton for him to finally connect with her skull.

"And then I'll finally kill that damned turtle mutant monster once and for all and then me and the princess will head back to her real castle and-"

It took him two hours, but the silence he was rewarded with was well worth it, or at least, mildly enjoyable.

While the sedatives would have worked better, this didn't have the downside of him having to wait a further few hours for her to regain cognizance.

The assassin, now sufficiently silenced, began to get back up, only for the jolts of electricity still rushing randomly through her frame to keep her unable to move with any sort of coordination and thereby on the ground.

"So now that you've collected yourself. Or rather, now that I've collected you. Your mission is thus: Find, kill, and impersonate Lady Inquisitor Daria Ifan."

Face first on the ground, the assassin was only able to reply with a pained groan as she once more felt the effects of her commander's glare, the euphoria that had blocked it before now long gone.

The commander went back to his paper work for a few moments, before glancing up, blinking slowly, and waving her off, "Well... get to it."

Slowly getting up, with the odd muscle spasm sending her back down to the ground, the Callidus made her way into attention before letting off a somewhat-peppy, "Yes, sir, Taichou-sama."

Her line said, she seemed to shake off the electricity that was still causing her to spasm and regained some of the energy from her tangent. She flashed a big grin (which was hidden under her mask) and gave a big thumbs up.

"Alright, sir! I think I'm-no- I know I'm ready!"

After a brief pause in which the Inquisitor tried to remember why he took this position-_right, __the threat of__ execution __otherwise_- and the assassin's thumb did not lower, the Commander finally replied, "Your readiness does not concern me, merely whether you succeed or fail."

There they were, stuck in that position, the assassin's hand getting tired and the Inquisitor continuously fighting the urge to simply light all his paperwork on fire and launch it at his agent to get her to leave, when the Callidus finally let her hand drop. Her demeanor suddenly becoming embarrassed: pointers being pushed together, head lowered, and foot kicking at the ground; the Inquisitor knew just what was coming.

"Um, sir, what was the mission again?"

Slowly, as though speaking to a person with a severe learning disability, or some one with severe attention deficient problems, he says, "Find, kill, and impersonate Lady Inquisitor Daria Ifan... preferably in that order, though some personal initiative can't be held against you."

After a few moments of silence, within which the assassin's nervous movements became more and more prominent, the Callidus worked up the nerve to speak up, "Ano...is that all sir?"

He blinks, slowly, and again speaks slowly, "Do you need anything else?"

Feeling what was left of her euphoria at getting her first mission whither away, the Callidus just asked, "W-where I mi-might find h-her, sir."

Mildly relieved at the first reasonable question he's yet to be asked from a Callidus, he says, "We have reason to believe she is currently aboard her flagship, the cruiser Mythic Crusader."

Rallying what little confidence she had left, the assassin meekly asked, "D-do you have any suggestions for the mission sir? M-my form or a good a-approach, sir? Maybe in-informa-mation on the t-target?"

Silently singing the God-Emprah's praises for finally delivering a Callidus with a brain unto him, the Laird Inquisitor says, "Make sure she's dead. Dispose of her corpse properly, in that order. Who so ever might be aboard the cruiser. Lady Daria is a confirmed heretic."

What doubts she had about the mission wiped away with that last line, the Callidus snapped to attention and gave her taichou a bow, saying, "Thank you, sir, for this chance to prove myself!" before backing out of the room while still bowed.

He waves after her with little enthusiasm, "Try not to die."


End file.
